Excerpt from Chapter One: Background

By the time the Christmas party rolled around, Earl had moved into Larlene’s mansion. It was tough leaving his current residence - his girlfriend in her trailer in a trailer park. Now, you can take the boy out of the trailer park but you cannot take the trailer park out of the boy. Trust me on this one. The reason he decided to leave his girlfriend is because of two reasons, so he says. The first one being he started to find his boss, Larlene, attractive after Larlene’s ex-husband Jed, who happens to be his best friend and boss, decided he didn’t want her. The second reason Earl gave for leaving his girlfriend was because he found out she was setting up a surprise wedding. Yes, you read that correctly. Can you imagine? Surprise! You’re getting married! He accidentally found out when the girlfriend called our office and spoke with the office slut, Bobby-Jo (who happened to have previously slept with Earl) to get names and addressed of co-workers to invite. I was so excited. I figured this wedding would be a cross between a Jerry Springer episode and Cops. I couldn’t wait! But, Bobby-Jo couldn’t keep her mouth shut and told Earl.

The Christmas party plans forged ahead. Larlene advised all the employees that if they did not show up to this party, they would not receive their Christmas bonus. She further went on to give out the bonuses at the end of the party so that nobody would leave before then. Gee, how nice of her. It was a decent bonus and she ended up spending about $15,000 for the party and the bonuses (which we did not have). I left immediately after receiving my bonus as did most of the sober employees. I heard that just after I left, Earl and Larlene began a show of dirty dancing (barf) that led to him whipping out his penis on the dance floor and showing everyone his “baby’s arm.” He is disgusting.

When I returned to work after the Christmas holidays, things went from bad to worse. I couldn’t take it anymore so I kept a journal to make myself feel better. It was almost like therapy for me. This book practically wrote itself.